Boss Playa's Guide to Picking up Sexy Honeys Who Love Anime
Hey, Playa. So you're home alone and you're about to marathon another season of Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood. You're feeling real lonely right about now. Due to your lack of female companionship, you're more than likely fantasizing about that big breasted kawaii tsundere chick dashing about on your screen.
Tsk, tsk, Playa, you're better than that. You don't need imaginary women to make you feel like a real man (sorry, Playa, but anime girls aren't real). It's a good thing you found this guide: "Boss Playa's Guide to Picking Up Sexy Honeys Who Love Anime." With this guide you'll learn how to pick up real women. Real sexy women. Women who love anime. After reading this guide, you won't need to fantasize anymore. You'll be a Boss Playa whose smooth as a baby's bottom pick up lines and sweet, sweet moves will bring alllll the ladies to the yard. Ahhhhhh yeah baby.
Step 1: Self Examination
Stand in front of a mirror and practice saying "Ahhhh yeeeeaaahhh baby". Make sure your voice has a rich, silky timbre to it. It may take some practice, but when you get it just right you'll know it. Hey ladies, you hear that? That's the sound of a new playa in training. Ahhh yeeeaaahhh.
Step 2: Study
Locate your fly anime lovin' honey. Study the way she moves and interacts with her surroundings. Take notes if you must, but true playa's commit these kind of things to memory. Wait for the right moment and...WAIT PLAYA! We're only at step two. You're not ready to interact with her yet.
Step 3: Marathon
Go home and marathon the most lovey dovey themed anime in your collection. You don't really expect to pick up the ladies if you don't have some romantic anime in your collection now do you. Don't make me laugh, Playa. And I don't care how much of a manly man you claim to be, we all know that you've got Fruits Basket tucked away somewhere in that all action anime collection of yours. Come on, Playa, come on now. Don't kid yourself. It's a classic.
Become well versed in your series of choice. Memorize the catch phrases, remember all of the little nuances that you'd normally miss. How did the music make you feel, Playa? Good? Ahhh yeeeaaaahh baby that's what I like to hear. You're a cultured man. Anime isn't just about blood, guts, and boobs that ignore the laws of physics. It's about the artwork, the music, the passion! You finished with that marathon, Playa? Ahhhh yeeeeaaaahh baby. You're almost ready.
Step 4: Pick up Lines
Pick up lines are a must. Here playa, try these on for size:
"Hey baby, you're the Hinata to my Naruto"
Or even better:
"Hey baby, I have a mech in my pants and it needs a pilot. Ahhh yeeeeaaahhh."
Or the best yet:
"Hey baby, I heard you like anime. Why don't you summon my dragonballs."
WIth that being said please read our Boss Playa's legal disclaimer:
Boss Playa's Legal Disclaimer: We at Wasasum are not responsible for any sexual harrasment charges that may incur whilst future Boss Playa's are practicing their craft. WE CAN'T BE SUED BECAUSE YOU WERE ARRESTED FOR SEXUAL HARRASMENT.
Good luck Playa.
Step 5: Get Fresh
This one should be obvious, Playa. No self-respecting anime lovin' honey is going to be caught dead with a filthy looking otaku with cheeto stains on the front of his Vocaloid t-shirt. Make sure you wash that Vocaloid t-shirt. Comb that nappy looking head of yours. And for heaven's sake man, take a shower! Good lord! You weren't raised with a bunch of Saiyans. Yes...good, good. That's better. Make sure you clean your face.
When you're finished sprucing up, look into the mirror. If even you'd touch you then you're ready for:
Step 6: The First Approach
Okay, Playa, you're now ready to talk to a fly anime lovin' honey. You should know where she hangs out by now (especially if you followed step two diligently). Approach her. Look directly into her eyes and ask for her number. Be confident with your words, Playa. Remember, you're just asking for her number. The worst thing that happens is she says, "No". It's not like she's going to turn into Yuno Gasai from Mirrai Nikki and kill all of your closest friends and loved ones...one can hope. Anyways, just get them digits, Playa and let nothing discourage you.
Step 7: Repeat step 1 until mastery
Step 8: Draw her into your web
Find a time where she's isolated. Perhaps you'll find her sitting under a tree perusing a Chobits manga. If you happen to find yourself in such a situation, I suggest pursuing the following conversation in such a manner:
Boss Playa: " Hey, my name is Boss Playa. I see you're reading Chobits. Ahhh yeeeaaahhh."
On Guard Honey: "Yeah, what of it." *Eyes fall onto the Vocaloid t-shirt* "You're a Vocaloid fan?"
Boss Playa: "Ahhhh yeeeaaaahh."
Slightly less on Guard honey: "I.... I love Vocaloid."
Boss Playa: "Ahhh yeeeeaaahhhh. I also enjoy walks on the beach, being a boss playa, and romantic anime."
Suddenly Suspicious Honey: "What's your favorite anime?"
Boss Playa: "Fruits Basket of course. Ahhh yeeeaaahhh."
Madly in love Honey: "Will you be my Husbando?"
Boss Playa: "Whoa, whoa, whoa baby. Let's take this one step at a time."
And there you go playa. She's firmly in your grasp. Make sure you don't mess this up. We're finally at our last step. You can now:
Step 9: Go back to your place and seal the deal...with an anime marathon, ahhhh yeeeaaaahhhh
She's finally yours, Playa. Go home and enjoy the spoils of your hard fought battle. Get in there and snuggle up real tight and fire up some Fruits Basket. You want her nice and emotional so that you can wrap that lanky arm of yours around her shoulders. She'll welcome the comfort. Your eyes will meet. You lean in and BAM! We'll just leave that next part to the reader's imagination.
Congratulations, Playa. If you've made it this far you're now ready to get all the fly anime lovin' honeys you can possibly handle. Job well done, Boss Playa. Job well done. Ahhhh yeeeeaaahhhh.
